A Closer Experience of God?

I find myself less convinced God exists. Some God that is separate from me and the rest of human life doesn't make any sense right now. 

What Matters Most

What is important is that I am bringing healing into the world. 'Healing' being that personal, intimate connection with God. Peace. Relaxation, Celebration. Integrating the difficult, painful and dis-eased into a complete, lived life.

What matters is both that I am doing that where I do work and that it provides me with the resources (money and energy) to do it outside work. What matters is that I am moving toward doing what matters most for my work.

I must emody that healing I seek to share no matter where I am or what I am doing.

Welcome To Paradox

May 19, 2007 1:47:00 PM EST
Writing about the paradox and life for www.LiveTheParadox.net I am confronting myself again with my self and my beliefs. I think I believe that joy and suffering are both the same at some spiritual/one/bliss/rapture kind of level. I want to believe that they both mean I am alive. That the alternative to feeling joy and suffering is feeling nothing. Feeling nothing doesn't really even exist in drugs or booze. Even they wear off and leave me _feeling_.

Feeling awful, but feeling, which is alive. The only way I can think of to stop feeling all together is in death. Then I won't feel life.I think it's easy to mistake happiness and joy and elation for something more spiritual. I think part of the whole New Age kind of movement is bound up in avoiding pain in a way known as blissed-out. I do it. I was "addicted" in a sense to doing yoga. It stretches out the kinks in my body, releases endorphins to elevate my mood and easy discomfort and pain, focuses my attention. Cool! I blissed-out in the name of union and was numb to the pain in my life and ignoring a whole bunch of stuff I needed to be paying attention to. Now I'm just using Cabernet Sauvignon, Sam Adams and Maker's Mark. Faster results and I can watch TV at the same time. I think it's way easy to use a "spiritual" practice in the same way as a good drink.